If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
