He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
