This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
