I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
