My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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