This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
