Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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