I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
