I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
