I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
