idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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