Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
