the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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