But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
