1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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