Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Little spoons don't ask big questions
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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