you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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