at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
