he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
