I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
