there was a trapeze. enough said
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
