its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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