the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
