Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
