Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
