I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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