im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
