worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize