i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just cropdusted the office
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
