i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she pinky promised me she was 18
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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