Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
