Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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