I'm so fucking centered right now
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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