Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
