my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
