Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
