Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
