Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
