And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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