How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
