was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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