Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
