i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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