is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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