it hurts more in the daytime
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
either way he was missing a nipple.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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