boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
