i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
