And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
