I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
