Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
