i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
