Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He shit in the fireplace
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
