mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
