he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
