This is not my ceiling
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
