whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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