During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
