I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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