she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
