ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
