I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
