y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
