Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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