pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
