Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm too high and old for this...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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