No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
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