she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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