yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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