She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
