Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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