; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
