hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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