I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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