There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
