I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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