I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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