Where did you get a picture of my penis
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
